No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
