Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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