I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
