youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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