there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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