So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
