come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's rum buckets o'clock
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
