I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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