arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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