How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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