I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
