In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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