Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
