Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
