just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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