he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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