there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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