at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
