how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
