I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
