You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
