There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
