My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
