and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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