you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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