if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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