no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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