you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
