Don't you send me to vm
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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