I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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