I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
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