we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You are the jesus of drinking
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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