just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We just shotgunned beers for America
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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