I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
