Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
