and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
