I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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