Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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