Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
