I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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