yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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