I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have tasted many bathrooms
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
