He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
