Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
