I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize