I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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