I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
