Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
