I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
