I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
porn star boner night. come get it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
