Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
