i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
