that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
