whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
