girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
