You really coming over, don't trick.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
