i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
