oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
