Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
