the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
