I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
